Being Single

There are a lot of negative stereotypes in our society associated with being single. You're a freak, an outcast, high-standards, unattractive... the list goes on and on. It is a mark of negativity. It is just a bad thing to be single. To people who reinforce that belief, I object. Being single is not a bad thing, but a matter of luck essentially. In fact, it can only be a signifier of two possible  things; either a person was true to themselves and genuine to their character and happened to run into someone who magnified their personality as well as their mates personality was magnified by that person; OR they were desperate to fit into a rigid and destructive norm of this need to be in a relationship. Kinds of the latter are often highly destructive to both parties, resulting in an unfulfilled life and empty emotions based on duty. They are not focused on the people in the relationship but on the perceptions of those related to or involved with those in the relationship.

So often I see people wallow in their state of singleness, so eager to find that "only one" for them. First off, there are over 6 billion people on this planet. Even if you're like me and only want to date within your race, that still leaves quite a number of potential mates out there.  If you think there truly is only ONE person in the entire world who is right for you, then I must derive that you are both ignorant and foolish. You are not someone deserving of a relationship. This is not to say that if you do get married than you are not to keep your promise to that person. Once you decide to make a commitment to an individual based on mutual trust, respect, and love, you should uphold that promise. As far as finding someone to make that promise too, though, your options are very high.

In regards to the people who give into societal pressures to be in a relationship even though you are well-aware that, either, you do not know the other well enough to be in a relationship with them or that you are aware that they are not compatible with you but you decide to stay in that relationship anyways out of a fear of societal rejection, I feel a need to call you out. How dare you spit in the face of yourself. Do not let those around you control who you are. Do not let anyone decide how you live except for yourself. There is no need to succumb to will of others unless that is also your will. You must ask yourself whether or not you are truly happy with the person you are with. If you are, then you are not bowing into society, at least not for the reasons I an arguing against. But if you aren't, then you must decide if the acceptance of others is worth the price of your own happiness, your own free will, your own destiny. A critical evaluation of your life will likely prove that you are not, and it is to you and to those currently single that I proclaim a hope, a purpose, and a blessing in being single. You may be saying to yourself that you do not have a choice. There is always a choice. Look at Descartes; he had no choice in where to start given all of his current options, so he just threw away all of his options and started with nothingness. It was with this nothingness that he blossomed the majority of Western thinking. He was a human, just as you are.

There are plenty of things that single people can do that those in relationships cannot. I am not talking about hooking up with strangers at bars. I am talking about taking classes, exploring the world, bettering yourself, becoming a valuable member of your community. increasing your self-respect, gaining a peace within yourself, and understanding exactly who you are, what you desire, and what you need in your life. These are things that can only genuinely come from the self, from YOU. Allowing anyone else to decide your desires and your needs in the ultimate form of self-denial.

Being true to yourself is without question better than being what those around you want you to be. There is an old saying along the lines of, "No man is a failure who has friends." Bullsh*t. No man is a failure who is true to himself. The people around you are not of your own will but are there purely out of luck. You, however, you are always going to be with yourself. If you live  a life full of pain and regret, yet, are accepted by those  around you, will you truly be happy? Or would fulfilling your own dreams result in a higher degree of self-actualization than any outside force can bestow? If you answer the former, I cannot respect you. But if you answer the latter, know that it is not an easy journey. There will be rejection and there will be hardships, but you will be complete in time. One day you will look back at how weak you used to be and realize the transcendence you have achieved in taking the path less traveled. Realize that the people around you will always change, but if you are the person you want to be then that has little importance.

This is not a call to arms. This is a piece of wisdom, drunken babble, from someone who chose the latter who is midway through their struggle, babbling to an unknown audience. Take away what you can.

Steve